I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just pee around me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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