I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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