your parents love me but you hate me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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