I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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