Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
