dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
