I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to have your abortion
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
why do cheetos always look like penises
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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