so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
