Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
