Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
