Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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