Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
