the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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