I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am available for nakedness
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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