home. puking in laundry basket.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
