i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
