I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
