I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
