Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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