i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
dude. I can hear the air.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
