last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
