Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
