we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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