I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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