No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
