I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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