She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
