I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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