its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
