**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
