I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
