it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
