the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
