And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
