and you said cock pushups were impossible
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
