I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
