just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
