You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
