the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We are two peas in an std pod
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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