Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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