Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
