Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
