My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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