I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
