I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
