And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
