I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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