Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
