even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
