Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
