"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Small penises have feelings too.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
