She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
