I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My bed smells like the plague
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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