Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
