I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
