fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
